As a Christian who is singularly devoted to the King of Kings, I observed the recent royal visit with some interest and hereby offer my Christian perspective.
Although King Charles III is a very distant relative of the King George from whom the early Americans escaped, it did bring to mind that Broadway musical song from Hamilton. It may have taken 250 years, but Brother Chuck expects many to “be back” in an effort to escape the madness of the President who would be King.
But I digress.
Speaking of said madness, when Chuck and Cami were seated with our President, I found it to be less like an official state visit and more like a depiction of the Book of Revelation getting a sponsorship from a Country Club. The handshake between the two leaders was firm and extended. It was as if the two were sealing a covenant, but I suspect that one of the two was merely doing it for the cameras present.
The ever-elegant King Charles spoke passionately about unity, stewardship, and preservation. Our president nodded along much like the chair of our Deacon board does when he’s already decided what the vote will be. Given the King’s long-standing support of classic architecture, I’m grateful that they were not celebrated in the yet-to-be-built White House ballroom lest brother Chuck faint from shock at the sight.
The dutiful queen, bedecked in a hat befitting the best pastor’s wife ever, seemed to be bracing herself for mindless American small talk that starts with “So what do y’all think of freedom?” Later, the vision of Queen Camilla and the American first lady was a clash of the hats, giving the appearance of two stained-glass windows politely judging each other. And while the British queen embodied centuries of royal composure, Sister Mel presented a facade that said, “I have seen things you will never read about in Leviticus.”
After these obligatory political pleasantries passed, the Royals continued their trip to the Big Apple, where they solemnly attended a memorial for the victims of September 11, proving that the monarchy still knows how to behave and show respect where respect is due. As they departed from this four-day royal mission trip, I imagine that C&C settled in for the flight home with a cigarette, a cocktail, and a shower of biblical proportions to rid themselves of the filth they had endured in the District of Columbia.
Let us pray.
Sister Helen Holy is a member of the First Southern Fried Self-Satisfied Babatist Church. As a Babatist, it is her duty to point out how she is better than all others, whether it be based on religion, ethnicity, country of origin, or God forbid, sexual orientation. Her ministry of Satire touches all who hear her. She hopes to be touching YOU soon.