As gas prices continue to climb, Americans are feeling the effects in so many areas of life. Airfares are rising, shipping costs increasing, and automobile use is being curtailed. But one area being hit is not often mentioned — the ubiquitous buses of Baptist churches everywhere.
Since the advent of automotive travel, Baptist churches have invested in buses, large and small, for a variety of purposes. Most importantly, it gets folks to church. But it also transports youth camp participants, senior citizen lunch outings, and annual Vacation Bible School attendees.
Now, due to gasoline prices, the church bus ministry will be considered an “extreme faith outreach.” The youth group trip to Six Flags had been reduced to “Six Parking Lots,” and the faithful have suggested they lay hands on the fuel tank and rebuke the spirit of unleaded inflation. Deacon boards have been discussing replacing church buses with donkey caravans like in the Bible, until someone pointed out that even a donkey would now require a co-signer and three references to afford feed.
The elderly in the church are foregoing their church bus post-service Sunday lunches in favor of a fully catered meal in the fellowship hall, which, it turns out, is cheaper than a full tank of gas.
Vacation Bible School is expected to undergo what church leaders are calling a “loaves and fishes transportation miracle strategy.” Parents will now be asked to drop their children off in shifts according to spiritual gifts and current gas mileage. The church bus, once used to pick up every child within a 20-mile radius, will now only travel where the Spirit leads and where there’s a downhill slope.
Crafts have been simplified from popsicle-stick arks to “imagination-based ministry,” because the craft budget was redirected to purchase three gallons of unleaded and half a tank of hope. VBS leaders are considering the theme of “Onward Christian Soldiers… Provided Fuel Prices Ease” this year.
Church prayer rooms are backing off on prayers for the Rapture because nobody can afford the trip upward right now.
The gospel urges us to take the message to the ends of the earth. But right now, the story of Jesus is only getting down to the nearest Exxon.
Paul J. Williams is a gifted comedian, actor and singer based in Dallas. As a comedian, he has appeared on countless cruises, multiple comedy clubs across the U.S. and on the MTV/LOGO Network comedy special, ONE NIGHT STAND UP. But, he is most well-known for his “altar ego”, Sister Helen Holy. As a classically trained tenor, Paul J. has performed with the New York Choral Artists, Orpheus Chamber Singers and Turtle Creek Chorale. As a hobby, Paul is a classic car buff and currently owns a 1970 Buick Riviera, which has won multiple awards.