Evangelical leader Franklin Graham, the son of late evangelist Billy Graham, is blaming Jesus Christ for President Donald Trump’s recent foibles, including the disastrous war on Iran and rising costs.
“As we all know, Donald Trump is The Lord’s chosen vessel,” Graham explained this week. “He takes his orders directly from God. So if you don’t like the high gas prices, take it up with Him, not Donald Trump, who is simply being faithful to his calling.”
In particular, he points to Trump’s recent strikes on Iran, which seem to have strengthened Iran’s hand rather than precipitate regime change, as was one of the administration’s aims at one point, but maybe not anymore, along with unconditional surrender, civilization annihilation, extra-destroying Iran’s already destroyed nuclear program, preventing Secretary of WAR Pete Hegseth’s return to drinking out of boredom, and getting some wicked cool video of things exploding.
“Maybe Jesus isn’t much of a Middle East expert,” Graham says. “He should have foreseen the closure of the Strait of Hormuz. That has always been Iran’s trump card. But also, Jesus is omniscient. So, literally, he should have known.”
When asked how Jesus could give Trump such bad direction, Graham shrugs and looks up at the heavens. “When God closes a strait, he opens a canal. Everything happens for a reason. God never gives us anything we can’t handle. God wants us to be holy, not happy. God doesn’t call the equipped, he equips the called.”
When asked what the hell any of that even means, Graham clarified, “Look, I’m hopeful all of this doesn’t mean God is a complete moron. I have to trust that He has a plan, and if I were to guess what that plan is, I would say God is trying to grow the tiny baby faith of Donald Trump. While also making him a lot richer. The President is going to grow closer to God through this trial. He’s also going to grow a lot richer, which as we know, is one of the benefits of following Christ.”
Graham admits his faith has been shaken by multiple events in the last year. “The Epstein files have hit particularly hard. I don’t know why God would allow President Trump to be photographed with Epstein or appear so many times in those files. Or why He would even allow any young woman in Trump’s general vicinity. But I must believe that God is in control.”
Graham also mentions the hundreds of thousands of deaths as a result of Trump’s closure of USAID, brutal ICE enforcement that has left dozens dead and many more terrorized, and the use of the legal system to seek revenge on the President’s enemies. “I believe God is using these ordeals to lead people to repentance. For instance, I would anticipate yet another wave of revivals in sub-Saharan Africa that will reach the last few remaining non-Christians, as pregnant mothers with HIV look to God for healing and protection of their babies rather than ARVs. And Leticia James might even come out of this a real white Christian.”
“Certainly Trump is spiritually maturing,” he continues. “Being a fascist is very difficult. It’s incredibly stressful to commit evil acts. It forces you to lean on the Lord for strength.”
Graham says his faith is bent but not broken. “I will never stop trusting Him. Donald Trump, er, I mean, Jesus Christ, is my Savior and Lord.”
Holly Berkley Fletcher is an author, historian, and former intelligence analyst. She was raised in Kenya by evangelical missionary parents. She earned a PhD in American history and taught in universities for several years before being hired as an Africa analyst by the Central Intelligence Agency, where she worked for nineteen years. She writes the substack A Zebra Without Stripes, and her most recent book is The Missionary Kids: Unmasking the Myths of White Evangelicalism. She lives in the Washington, DC, area with her husband, two kids, and delinquent rescue dog.